Curveball. Strike. Love.

Sometimes you get this curveball in life that either comes out of no where or of your own making. That has happened to me except for I threw it to my own self and I could not quite make it to the batters mound to take a swing. I missed the pitch. Strike one. I could not run fast enough in the right direction to make it. Yeah you saw it. In the right direction. See, I was running, but just the wrong way. Kind of like when a kid plays t ball and he/she takes off to third base instead of first. No, I am not comparing myself to a four year old just comparing my skills at running. I suck at it. It is almost like I do not even have cleats on basically because shoes are dumb but also because I am not prepared to run anymore. I quit my running. Now, I just have fish. Six of them just in case You needed to know the number. It has not changed so you can be proud.

Seriously though, have you ever been there? Where that shame and that guilt weighs on you, and every day you have to say “no enemy sir I am forgiven!” You ever find yourself believing the lies that the enemy whispers while you are down? He loves to do that, ya know? Come at you when you are already wounded. It is probably his favorite thing to do honestly! It says in the Word that he comes to steal, kill, and destroy (and he will never stop.) But then Jesus says but I have come to give them life and life more abundantly. I do not know if that makes you cry like me, but the tears are ever going these days. No, I am not walking around defeated. No, I do not have a sad face on. Yes, however, my heart aches as I am going to leave an old chapter and start a new one.

The promise I hold on to is He will never leave me nor will He forsake me. I looked up what forsake meant and here is another way to say it; He will never turn away from me. 2 Samuel 22:17 says, “He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.” I know in my mess up I was knocked down, but also I have never felt the Lords presence like I did. He never left. And that is why today I can say to you or rather type to you that sin is ugly. Yes it really is and it takes you places you never want to go. It is never greener on the other side. And it hurts the ones you love and that love you. But God is greater, gracious, and His mercies are new every morning. He does not knock you down when you are wounded from your own making. No, He does not. He reaches down from on high and takes hold. And even through the consequences He walks by my side. It is real. The love of God is real. And His faithfulness is a promise He keeps forever. I know. I have witnessed it. So, can I ask you this.. have you been there? Where grace, forgiveness, and truth overcome the guilt and shame? And you begin to believe Romans 8:1 that says, “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” You can hear the Lord whisper above the lies as He says You are mine and nothing will change that. You been there? I know that the Lord wants to teach me in this, and I figure this here is His first lesson..

I may have a strike, but I did not lose the game. And I know that I know that I know He’s standing beside me on the batters mound. I am sure I will have many more strikes because the truth is I will not stop swinging until I meet my Jesus face to face. Before that day happens, I will disappoint and I will hurt and I will make really bad decisions. But I will also make people laugh, do scary things, and have victories! I do not write my sin off or act like it does not matter, but I do lay it before the Lord because I have confidence in knowing that is where He makes all things work together for the good of those who love him.. it belongs to Him anyway. Every failure. Every victory. And everything in between.

1 Comment

  1. Amen and amen. We all feel this way, if we are honest and yes, I cried. Love you and your heart for Jesus, Sara.


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