The Dead Tree

I know I have not written in awhile. Life has been changing, new things are happening, and I have neglected my writing big time. However, my house is clean. I also bought a new fish and before you say it yes ok yes I do have four now, but if you really stop and think about it it could be worse. I could have a gold fish. I am not putting the gold fish down I just well they’re orange not gold. That is all I am going to say about that. Orange fish. Not gold. I do not know how I get off on chasing these rabbits all over the place, but I came here this morning. Yes. It is morning. 3:21 A.M. to be exact. I can not sleep, because you see Good Friday is here. And also the dead tree is back in my life. I should back up a little bit so maybe it will make sense.

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While I was in the program, one day in my counseling session my counselor took me outside. She told me to look at the tree that was in front of me and tell her what I saw. So, a few seconds went by and I said what any of us would say. I see a tree. She said, “Yes, but that tree is dead and it is out here among the living. That is you on the inside barely existing among those who are living around you. You put on a smile but you are dying on the inside.” I hated that tree, and I did not like her very much either. Today, I am thankful for her, and that tree. Yeah, I never thought I would say that but I learned a lot from that stupid tree. Ok ok, maybe I’m still a little bitter, but that same night I sat down, and wrote this.

Today, I was told my insides resembled that dead tree outside. I was very hurt by this only to realize oh how right she was. What do you mean I’m like that stupid tree who has lost all meaning to live? Ropes hold it up, no leaves are producing, and it just sits there….dead to the world. No life. No birds to sit on the branches. No insects to do what insects do. Nothing. Its roots no longer rooted deep into the soil, and eventually it’s gasping for air until well it no longer breathes. I am that tree, and as I sit here the tears find me because the truth is I am dead to the world. To the ones who love me. To my God who keeps on saying “please let me in”. I don’t want you to come in, because what will you see? My roots barely hanging on. The wickedness that holds me. The bondage I am trapped in. But yet..He still calls. I hear Him calling even in the darkness I remain in. And every day it is a struggle to breathe because so much pain holds me under. It’s almost like I’m gasping for air, and no one can see me.

No. One. Sees.

Except the Creator. The One who created that tree, and the One who created me. He sees past the deadness inside of me into the beautiful He wants me to be. He sees me dressed in white, whole, pure, loved, worthy, adored, His prize possession. I can feel it, and as I feel it my heart changes, “God, make me alive. Bring life into my bones, and give me a new heart”. My prayer changes everything. And as I let Him in, His light begins to shine on my darkness. Nothing can overcome His light. Little by little, He will dig up the dead roots, and replace them with new ones. Ones that will be so rooted into the knowledge of His word and who my Daddy is. That’s the tree I want to be. I’m taking my grave clothes off, because I don’t belong in the grave. He calls me to walk in truth, because He is the fountain of life. With His light we see light. He clothes me in righteousness. He holds me in love. He shelters me with His wings. I only have one thing left to say  where is there room for a dead tree? 

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“The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face. Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.”

John 11:44

Things began to change little by little with me. A couple of weeks ago I was reading about Lazarus, and after he came out of the grave Jesus told him to take off his grave clothes. All that week I heard so many things about the grave through preaching and songs. I went to the passion play, and there was a moment that it all made sense to me. There was a song in there that said, “Arise my love the grave no longer has a hold on you”. I believe God was preparing me for that moment so I would hear it. Can I be honest? Sometimes, I put my grave clothes back on. Sometimes, I walk around like everything is fine when in reality I am barely hangin on. But the truth is when Jesus was beaten, mocked, spit on, and ridiculed. When he was falsely accused, flogged, and rejected. On his way carrying his cross to the hill of Golgotha and as they nailed him there on that cross. As he cried out “My God, My God why have you forsaken me?” Do you see him? In his final moments he said “it is finished”. He went to the grave so I would not have to live there, but the best part is he conquered that grave. I am not that dead tree anymore, and I do not belong in the grave. He called me out. I went from death to life, slave to free, debt to no debt, and no inheritance to a inheritance. I took off that nasty ugly robe and traded it for a robe of righteousness. A couple of weeks after I graduated that tree was cut down. I now wear a bracelet my friend gave to me with a tree on it to remind me that I got roots, and they’re hangin on the truth. I hope today as you think about what Jesus did for you if you’re wearing your grave clothes you would join me in taking them off. Today is the day he wore them for us. Oh, the blood of Jesus washes me. Yes, the blood it is my victory.