But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world. 1 John 4:4
I know it has been a long time since I have written anything on here. I have written several things, but for some reason the post button seems harder and harder to push these days. I find that to be because I am stuck on trying to be perfect. What I have to say is not nor will ever be good enough. I have felt a decline in my recovery lately, and that is never a good sign. It seems like the more and more I try the more and more I am interrupted. I get distracted, and the lies I have come to believe overwhelm me. Last night when I got through eating, I picked up my pen and began to write a letter to the very thing that seems to have a bit of control over my life. I say a bit, but really if I am completely honest with you that “bit” would translate to I cannot breathe anymore. I am sharing this letter with you, because I know out there I am not alone, and I am throwing off the perfection that I seem to have clothed myself with lately.
To my addiction,
I know all too well that you have a name. Sometimes, I say it because they say that the power you have over me will be lost. I do not really believe that anymore. Your name is however, the very thing that I struggle to say and I struggle to believe. I do not have a problem I say. I have this under control. After all, it is all about the control, is it not? I believe this from you that we can do everything together, and I am fine. Yes, you do have a name. One that haunts me every day, and as you creep around whispering lie after lie..you’re fat, you’re ugly, you’re worthless, you’ll never be enough. Do not eat that, do not wear that your fat is showing, you need to be this weight for anyone to love you.
You. Are. Not. Worthy.
You lie to me. You lie so much. And tonight as you tell me these lies, I want you to know that I know the truth. Your name may be scary, but I know One whose name is greater. And as you whisper the lies to me He speaks louder. You tell me I am ugly, but He tells me I am beautiful. You say I am not enough, and you know what He says? He is enough. You tell me that no one will ever love me, and He says to me that love has won. You see, I belong to Him. I belong to Jesus. He paid my ransom. I know that you think you have won this battle, and I am down for the count. You are so wrong! I am up for the taking, because victory is coming. Actually, it has already been won, because Jesus has the final word. You do not get to win! Today or ever. You will not win. That is a promise.
Not your friend,
But you, Lord, are a shield around me,
my glory, the One who lifts my head high. Psalm 3:3
I guess you could say that the struggle is real. More real than I ever intended for it to be, but that comes from not allowing God to take control of that part of my life. Now here I am. I do not believe that I have lost, and I do not believe that I will lose. Someone else needs to hear that. (I don’t know why I say hear when clearly this is letters on the interwebs) Say it out loud if you must. I will not lose. If you have the Holy Spirit within you, then you will win. It is just a matter of believing what I have been taught. Today, September 27, 2017, I believe that He’ll show up. I believe that He is the way through this mess. I believe that whatever work He wants to complete in me will be completed. Why? Because I am His. Because I belong to Him, and the price He paid for me is much greater than any addiction in my life. He has overcome, and through Him I can too. I will, because I believe that every step forward is the right step on the journey of life He has me on. Do you think that for one minute He did not know where I would be? No, He knew. He knows. He knows where you are, too. Right where you are supposed to be. So, how about we (yes we) just rest in the fact that we are not on the losing team anymore, and that our battles have been won?
We. Will. Overcome.
Yes we will.
For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith. 1 John 5:4