I wanted to write this without really sharing the biggest part of it, but I do not know how to do that. So, I will just close my eyes, take a deep breath, and go for it. (Do not fret, I will open my eyes before I start writing) I do not want to carry the shame of it anymore, and I want to tell of all the awesome things God is doing. I can not do that if I remain with only the few close to me knowing the struggle. I mean, of course they know all the ways God is showing up, but I want to share with you. The one that is reading this looking for some hope. Or maybe even the one who already has hope. I am about to be so real that it is a little intimidating, but I am going to put aside what you may think of me. And write what God has laid on my heart.
I fight an eating disorder, alcohol/drug addiction, self harm, trauma, perfection, and trying to be good enough. Right now, the biggest one is the eating. I share this with you to get to the good stuff. If it changes the way you feel about me I can not help that. I do not want to apologize for the struggle, because it has made me who I am today. And it has brought me closer with the One who fights it with me. For a week or maybe more, I have struggled every time I eat. It hits me full force, and I find myself holding on with all that I have. I reach out to my person, I open my bible, I pray, and I sing. Out loud most of the time while pacing the floors. It is a struggle. My flesh wants what my flesh wants, and it is literally a battle to let my spirit win.
“For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.” Galatians 5:17
I opened my bible and began to look up verses on hope one night when a urge came over me. I came across a verse in Psalm 119:49 that says, “Remember your promise to me. It is my only hope.” As I sent that verse to my person she in return sent me a picture of the rainbow that was outside. God showed up. And He is still showing up. These past couple of weeks on the hardest days of my struggle, and the constant plea of “God I can not do this“, He throws in another “Yes you can“. Whether it is through a song, a friend, or even another rainbow in the sky He makes it known that He is there. After I came across that verse, I began to search scripture for the promises, and of course there are many. Here are a few of my favorites.
He promises that His love will never fail.
He promises to be faithful in every way.
He promises to never leave.
He promises forgiveness.
He promises when we pray He will listen.
He promises comfort in our trials.
He promises peace when we pray.
He promises to supply all of our needs.
He promises life.
He promises freedom and healing.
He promises that He will finish the work He started in us.
He promises security and protection.
He promises a hope and a future.
He promises redemption, restoration, and even righteousness.
He promised His son, Jesus, who traded Heaven for a manger. And who walked his road to Calvary so that the promise that we could be close to the Father would be fulfilled.
That was the ultimate promise, and because that happened He also promises salvation and eternal life. And no longer separation.
Do you love those promises as much as I do? It puts a smile on my face, because in this crazy world I need all the hope I can get. I now know what David meant when He said it is his only hope. If you are still here thank you for going through that with me. We all struggle with something, and if you are struggling today I hope (there’s that word) that you will look for God to show up. Look in the sky just in case He places a rainbow there just for you, because He is a promise keeper. He kept His promise all the way back to Abraham. I am no bible scholar, so I am just going to take a estimated guess and say well a whole lot of years ago. Maybe a ton. I think that is weight. I do not know, but that does not matter. What matters is if God kept a promise for ole Abe, He is going to continue to keep His promises. Today, stand on the promises of God. He will not let you down. I…promise! 🙂
“Deep in your hearts you know that every promise of the Lord your God has come true. Not a single one has failed!” Joshua 23:14
You have to look closely- the rainbow is there!