“Cause when you speak when you move
When you do what only you can do
It changes us, it changes what we see and what we seek.”
-Spirit of the Living God
A year ago, I followed through on a decision that something had to change in my life. I packed my bags, well actually my friend Nichole stuffed all my clothes into one bag. She is very talented at that.
Speaking of Nichole, let me to tell you a little about her. She is either going to cry or hurt me when she reads this. That part is unpredictable. I am okay with either one because she is very important to me and my journey. She is apart of my family God placed into my life, and she came along side me in the hardest of days. She took me in when I had no where to go, and I will always be thankful for that. Nichole, as you can see, has my H. The H that people seem to put on the end of my name all the time. I’m not bitter just sharing the struggle.
Ok time in.
Little by little, I will introduce you to the ones who have and are still playing a big part in my life. We were not meant to do this thing alone, and I know that I would not have made it this far without God and the others who have loved me through. This has been the longest, hardest, painful, yet the most amazing, rewarding year of my life. Yes, life. On May 31, 2016, I chose life, and that led me down a very difficult road and a fight I had no idea was coming. I spent months trying to run from the pain that I could feel now not numbing any part of it. I wanted to leave every day and often my prayer requests would ask for them to pray that I stayed. I am a runner and for the first time I ran in the opposite direction. Sometimes, I even jogged or walked at a very slow pace, but somewhere inside of me was instilled the strength to fight. I learned how to find truth in the word of God, to pray, and to hold on so tight to my Creator. The One who called me. He did. He pursued me, and brought me to a place of safety where I could dive in to His truth of what God says about me. I was told yesterday that the word pursue in Hebrew meant chasing after. I do not know what that does to you, but it brings tears to my eyes. He loved me enough to not leave me where I was walking around in darkness, and covered in my grave clothes.
Amazing things have happened this past year. I have gained friends, family members (I’ll tell you about them one day- they are the best), salvation, my baptism, healing, and even laughter. There is SO much more. When I look back on that morning of telling my best friend, Jamie, see you later, I never would have thought I would be at this place right now. Of course she did, because after all she is my biggest fan. When God moved, I was never the same. I am excited and nervous to see where God is going to take me. What He is going to do. I know I still have a long way to go, and my fight is not over. Today, though, I have hope when three hundred sixty five days ago I did not. Is that not the beauty of it? The mystery of how I got this far is simply to say it is Christ in me, the hope of glory.
“You lived in this world without God and without hope. But now you have been united with Christ Jesus. Once you were far away from God, but now you have been brought near to Him through the blood of Christ.” Ephesians 2:12,13